Swimming through our Lives
Here we are, 2 months into a new year. 2018...if I still had checks I'd be used to writing the 18 instead of 17. The daffodils, paper whites and narcissus I planted in honor of friends and family members have come up, the front lawn is green and needs mowing, the back yard has roses blooming and is ripe with the promise of spring.
It will rain tomorrow and I look forward to hearing and feeling the rain...knowing that spring is coming soon. (That is not the case when the rain is in it's fifth day in the dead of winter.)
Watching changes...
With any observance of time I feel the loss of others. My friend Jayme lost her battle with cancer months ago, February 4th was the two year anniversary since my beloved Marty left us. My beautiful vibrant cousin Harriet has always been my idol. She is highly educated, thoughtful and has lived her life to the hilt. She has traveled the world over, had a thriving therapy practice, raised children and managed her many properties as caregiver thinking of the next generations. She is now in her eighties and is moving from their beautiful 3200 square foot estate to a retirement community apartment of 1200 square feet. It has affected me deeply.
When I turned sixty I began thinking much differently about my life. My husband had died and for the first time in my life I was in a position to make different choices. That leaves me in a very strange place. What do I mean? I have decisions to make so I am open to options.
I look at a lovely cabin in the woods close to the ocean and private. A few years ago it would have been ideal...but now I don't think I would like to feel that isolated. That is a new feeling for me.
I want to find love again, but when I look at the reality...do I REALLY want to be tied to somebody?
It's not that I feel frozen, however I am not the person I was in my 30s, 40s or 50s. Choices have a trajectory they change our futures. Some of my choices in the past led me to wondrous places, led by my heart I had glorious, as well as horrific outcomes. So now I find myself really pondering my decisions.
I am looking at community more than anything else. I am looking at my family connections. They are the threads in the tapestry of this life. My family holds me, my creative family holds me. When life unraveled and I felt completely un-done they held the candle in the dark, they talked to me, held me and lifted me. I would not be on this earthly plane without them. It is the only lesson taken from the mess that I have been able to surface from. I feel as though I have been underwater swimming to the surface up to the light and up to where I can breathe and...LIVE. Authentic foundation is built on these connections. Yes, spirit is there, and it reveals itself on this earth with my worldly angels.
What this means is that I am now seeking either co-housing, an eco-village or perhaps even a mobile home park eventually.
Here is a thoughtful article for you on co-housing:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-gottberg/is-a-cohousing-community-_b_9535380.html
